


The Boy Who Turned Harry Potter Gay

by libco



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Multi, POV First Person, Scandal, Snape Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2018-01-09 11:59:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/libco/pseuds/libco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two friends try to escape the ruckus they've caused with a quiet drink. It's never that easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Boy Who Turned Harry Potter Gay

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [moondragon23](http://archiveofourown.org/users/moondragon23) for a speedy beta. Go read her stuff!

Other than Severus Snape, I might be the most hated man in Wizarding Great Britain right now. Oh I wasn’t always; I was a hero for quite a while. You might know me. I am known by many names. The Boy Who Was Almost the Boy Who Lived.  The Boy with Vegetables for Parents.  The Boy Who Blew Up Cauldrons.  The Boy Who Killed Nagini. Yes, that’s me, Neville Longbottom. Unfortunately right now, I am known as the Man who Broke Up the Wizarding World’s Most Beloved Couple. Hey, at least it was an accident, unlike Severus Snape, who broke up the 2nd most beloved couple completely on purpose.

So here we are, Severus Snape and I, drinking our troubles away at the Hog’s Head, ignoring the glares of the Wizarding world. Mainly the men, we both get speculative glances from the women. If I were alone I might look back but I don’t want to get Snape in trouble with Hermione in case one of the lookers tries to flirt with him instead.

“So Snape, is going just as bad for you as it is for me?”

He snorted, downed his shot of fire whiskey, and chased it with his pint. “Are any of the other professors speaking to you?”

“No.”

“Are you getting hate mail and Howlers?”

“Indeed I am.”

“Well then I’d say it’s about the same.”

“I don’t know, at least you’re going to make an honest woman out of Hermione. Your case is somewhat romantic in some eyes. You’re the Man Who Would Let Nothing Stop Him From True Love.  I’m the Man Who Turned Harry Potter Gay!”

Snape through back his head and laughed. Heads turned in our direction and eyes narrowed, presumably suspecting he was cackling over the culmination of our evil plans.  Mind you, he was the one who had an evil plan. I was just out for a lark.

Still chortling into his drink he looked at me speculatively, “Longbottom, what on earth possessed you to have a threesome with Harry and Ginny Potter?”

“It seemed like a fun idea at the time. We were drunk.”

He laughed some more.  I got up and got us another round.

When I got back to the table, he was looking at me speculatively.

“So I know the gist of the story but what happened?”

“The short version is that Harry found he prefers a cock in his mouth and arse and Ginny realized that men who have sex with her should actually enjoy licking her quim and making her come.”

Snape choked on his beer.

“Well you asked.”

“Indeed I did. Remind me not to ask for the long version. Longbottom you have unexpected depths.”

“Yes I do. So how long have you wanted Hermione?”

“I’m not sure but it started when she saved my life in the Shrieking Shack. She’s brilliant you know, too good for Weasley. Too good for me if truth be told.”

I nodded. “What’s next for you?”

“After a suitable amount of time has passed, Hermione and I plan to marry. Now that her Apprenticeship is over, we are leaving Hogwarts and going into business for ourselves. How about you, going to pick one of the two Potters?” He snickered.

“Very funny. Unlike everyone else around me, I’m not ready to settle down.  I’m a hero and good looking and now that everyone knows about my sexual prowess I’ll have wizards and witches beating down my door. Hate mail isn’t the only kind of mail I’ve been getting you know.”

He laughed again.

It was then we heard a ruckus at the door. It was George and Ron Weasley.

Ron was shouting at the barman, “I know he’s in here!”

George hit his arm and pointed at both of us, “They both are, those bastards!”

“Oi!”

We looked at each other.

“Another pub?”

“Sounds great, I know just the one.”

And with that we apparated into the night.

 

 

 


End file.
